she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
