I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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