It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
