i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
