There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
