I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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