THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
