then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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