my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
