he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
