Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
