It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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