You can't motorboat a personality
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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