Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
