Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Let's get the cat blown out
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
