the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
