They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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