I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
