i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I need moral support for this bender
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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