No stitches, just platelets and will power
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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