shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
