So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
