dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
