Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
