There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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