you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
