Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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