yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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