3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
