Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
