I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
