If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
