So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
