Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Houston, we have a blender
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
