Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
