I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
