Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
