I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize