I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
time to smoke my breakfast
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
