My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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