My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
