it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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