if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
