the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
