I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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