You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
