morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
