I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
