Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
