you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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