just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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