Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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