I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
