Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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