EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
