I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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