At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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