end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
