Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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