How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
