Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
