you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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