Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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