you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
