My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
