I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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