it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
