When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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