I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
