i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
