Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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