its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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