its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
